RAW
Raw comes to you live from Washington D.C.. It’s the unprecedented 901st episode…right? If 900 was groundbreaking, shouldn’t they be making a big deal of every show thereafter? No? Didn’t think so.

Opener
We cut to Nexus standing in the ring. They’re still high over their 5-on-5 win last week and start talking about how Jericho and Edge walked away out of fear, and how Slater pinned Sheamus to end the match. Gabriel starts bragging about how he 450′d Cena and Undertaker and how he’s the only person to have ever done his finisher to both guys in the same night. Barrett says he “devenomized” Orton. Ugh. Speaking of who, Orton interrupts and explains how he took out 2 Nexus members in less than 30 seconds. Booya! Nexus calls Orton down to the ring, but the GM emails. Cena/Gabriel tonight “for the first time ever.” Really? Was anyone really anticipating this match for years and they had to announce that it was for “the first time ever?” Also, Orton/Barrett tonight.

John Morrison d. Chris Jericho (***)
Before the match, the GM emails saying that Edge and Jericho would be punished for walking away in their matches, so if they lose tonight, they’re out of the 6-pack Challenge at NoC. Jericho starts screaming at Cole to tell him who the GM is. Very solid match, with JoMo winning via Starship Pain in about 10 minutes. About time that guys like Morrison get more than 2 minutes to have a match. The crowd was hot for him throughout the match, and in the end, it resulted in a solid TV match. More please! Post-match, the crowd cheered him on as he looked upset and took a while to collect his thoughts on the stairs and ramp. The idea here was that Jericho would leave the WWE if he didn’t win the title at NoC, but now that he’s not in the match, he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. I think (hope? pray?) he re-signs.

Melina d. Alicia Fox (1/2*)
As Alicia was coming down the ramp, she said that she was going to be the next “undefined” Women’s Champion, rather than the next “unified” champion. This is what happens when you let Divas talk. Some can do it, some can’t. Melina won in 2 minutes via cookie-cutter Divas match.

Backstage
Josh Matthews w/ The Miz. Miz has something behind a black curtain, but he won’t reveal what it is yet.

Backstage
Edge w/ Zack Ryder. This was a laugher. Edge says, “You’re an easy win because you suck!” Ha! “You know, I used to think you were a total tool!” Ryder is trying to get a match with Edge so he can be put in the NoC match, and Edge accepts it. Edge then starts speaking into the air, directed at the GM, that he wants Ryder to be his opponent for the evening. So, are the Hawkins/Ryder Edge-lookalike things ancient history, or…?

Backstage
DiBiase’s on the phone telling somebody he loved them, then Maryse walked in and he said it was his mom. Liar! Maryse said “me too” to DiBiase, who was lost. She shows him a note that says “I want you so bad” in all caps, and says it wasn’t from him, but rather, it was probably for him. They get into an argument to end the segment. Is that all it takes to get Maryse, just money and a note? I wish I had both.

John Cena d. Justin Gabriel (*3/4)
Average match. Cena wins via AA of the top rope in 5 minutes. His foot slipped on the middle rope, so it looked kinda botched. Gabriel looked very good in the match, though.

In-Ring
The Miz promo with his hidden item. “My name is Mike Mizanin, and I have no right to be here.” He told his story – starting 6 years ago on reality TV, going on Tough Enough, hosting SmackDown, tagging with Morrison, winning the US title and winning MITB. He reveals the hidden item, and it’s him on the cover of WWE Magazine. He says he’s the poster child of WWE and all the fans need to admit that they were wrong about him. Cole was going bananas. DB comes out and says, “Hi Mike Mizanin, my name is Daniel Bryan.” Well, not really. Miz says he hasn’t made it yet and he’s still a nobody. Bryan says he’s the anti-superstar because of his look, how he comes out to generic rock music, etc.. He says he paid $10 for his haircut – hey, so do I, but I shouldn’t have to pay more for it to get buzzed all over. DB says he could beat him if he got a US title shot, so Miz says, “I agree…that you paid $10 for the haircut.” Nice. Miz said he was mad that Bryan replaced him at SmackDown, but he meant to say SummerSlam. No one noticed. DB shows a new WWE Magazine cover on the titantron, with Miz tapping out to the LeBell Lock. He says he can beat Miz again, who eventually agrees. Miz goes for a mic shot, but DB counters and goes for the LeBell Lock, but Alex Riley breaks it up. Bryan tosses Miz from the ring, then puts the LeBell Lock on Riley while Miz watches from the outside. Miz’ briefcase opened up when he was tossed, and there was no contract in there! It’s a farce! Anyways, great segment aside from Miz’ botch, but it looks like they have a match at NoC. Given enough time, they’ll have match of the night.

Next week via GM email to Cole’s Blackberry (seriously), Cena faces the winner of Orton vs. Barrett tonight.

Edge d. The Great Khali via countout (DUD)
Before the match, Edge is fighting himself as to whether or not to smash the laptop. Edge starts mocking Khali as if he were a zombie doing chops. AWESOME! Edge forced Khali outside the ring, kicked him and ran back in before the 10 count. GM emails saying they’ll restart a no-DQ, over the top rope match.

Edge d. The Great Khali in an Over The Top Rope Challenge (DUD)
Khali walked over the top to the floor and Cole screamed to call it an elimination. I agree, while Lawler didn’t. Edge is thrown out through the middle rope eventually pulls Khali, who’s halfway over, onto the mat for the win. Edge stays in the NoC match.

They did a rundown of the Night of Champions card. The Six Pack Challenge is still on with five guys. Whatever that means. I guess it’s a Five Pack Challenge. Maybe next week they will add somebody or put Jericho back in there like they did at Summerslam. Who really knows? I’m thinking Sheamus retains the belt, by the way.

Backstage
Mathews w/ Jericho. Josh asks him a question, but Jericho keeps staring blankly. Morrison comes over to console him. “Bad day, huh? You still think you’re the best in the world at what you do?” He says things would get better. “Do you understand what I’m saying to you right now?” Jericho looked at him, and then back into space. Hilarious.

Randy Orton d. Wade Barrett (*1/2)
Cena, Sheamus and Edge are doing commentary, which was solid. Edge kept putting over his 29 championships. Impressive. Darren Young interrupts saying that he’s not the weak link in Nexus, but the missing link. Barrett turned around and Orton hit a RKO for the pinfall in about 6 minutes. Post-match, Orton is smiling and inviting Young into the ring to move on a prone Barrett, but Orton hits him with an RKO. Orton and Sheamus have a staredown, so Edge goes for a spear on Orton, misses and eats an RKO. Orton turns and ducks a scissor kick from Sheamus, who then eats an RKO. Good job having Young interfere, as it has Barrett lose, but no clean, so he’s still protected. The crowd erupted for the RKO-fest at the end. Orton and Cena have a little staredown at the end, as they fight next week (don’t expect a clean finish) to combat the first Monday Night Football of the 2010-11 season. Guess I’m doing picture-in-picture.

Three Stars of the Show
* Chris Jericho. Solid match, great sell at the end.
** Edge. Hilarious zombie chops.
*** John Morrison. Looked great, here’s to hoping they keep giving him time.

Final Score: 7

Much better show than the past 2 weeks. Let’s recap, though – at Summerslam, WWE goes over Nexus. Last week, Gabriel pins Cena and Barrett pins Orton. This week, Cena pins Gabriel and Orton pins Barrett. So the past 3 weeks have essentially meant nothing since we’re like going in a big circle or something. Nothing’s progressing anywhere, everyone is winning and losing equally. What the hell? JoMo/Jericho was a great match, and the Miz/Bryan segment looks amazing. Can’t wait to watch it at NoC, I just hope they get some time, though. Not sure why Raw #902 next week is a season premiere though. Does that make this one a season finale?

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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Ladies and Gentlemans, “Chattin’ With The Champ” is back! I apologize to all my peeps as it has been nearly a year since my last episode, but I can tell you, now that it’s back, it is most definitely here to stay! I have returned to announce my partnership with Marc Valeri & “Voice of Valeri” and will be publishing SmackDown reviews every week on his website! For more information and if you want to be up to date with the latest sports news, be sure to check out www.voiceofvaleri.com! So with that said, let the review of this Friday’s SmackDown begin!

I am also available via Twitter @NeilTheChamp and on YouTube @ captaincharisma43.

SmackDown Review: September 3, 2010

Anyone notice that they inserted the Ultimate Warrior back into the WWE opening video package? Maybe he is due for a return! Anyways, the SmackDown opening video package depicts Teddy Long saying that Undertaker was found in a vegetative state by his brother Kane. I was always curious, what vegetable was he found looking like? A cucumber? I’m willing to bet I was right. Anyways, Kane then says that the man who attacked his brother was Rey Mysterio. This all led to a Rey/Kane match at SummerSlam, which Kane won. Undertaker returned after the match, however, and attacked Kane which led us to believe that Kane attacked his own brother. What a bastard! I NEVER saw that coming! Undertaker says, “I may look dead, but I am not dead yet.” In my opinion, he doesn’t look dead, he looks a little fatter. Looks like he’s been hanging out with Matt Hardy. We then see Kane tombstoning his Undertaker. All in all, a great package to show that Kane is indeed dominating this feud so far.

We begin SmackDown and it seems like there is a fiesta in the ring! Could it be…yes, it is! Ricardo Rodriguez introduces the “Most Interesting Man on SmackDown,” Alberto Del Rio! Everything about this guy is a superstar – he talks well, has a good look, has a great entrance and is extremely talented! He is sporting a white suit this week, including white pants that he probably borrowed from Jeff Jarrett. Del Rio gets in the ring and talks about how he destroyed “the wounded dog that needed to be put down,” Rey Mysterio. Thank goodness! Del Rio says he is celebrating that Rey Mysterio is removed from the WWE. Where was my invitation? He calls Mysterio a “burro” (donkey) and then points to a pinata with a Rey mask hanging above the ring. Del Rio then grabs a stick and hits the pinata! This was a true “laugh out loud” moment! Then, Alberto gets interrupted by my hero, “Captain Charisma” Christian! Christian proceeds to call Del Rio “Juan Bradshaw Layfield” and Enrique Iglesias and even starts singing! Great funny moment! Christian challenges Del Rio, but Del Rio doesn’t accept and then Christian is attacked by Drew McIntyre!

Christian was already scheduled to face McIntyre and they eventually begin their match after the commercial break. McIntyre focuses on hurting Christian’s ribs but Captain Charisma is able to counter as he does in most matches. The match only lasts 4 minutes, and the finish sees McIntyre reversing Christian’s “Killswitch,” but then Christian is able to score a win via a roll-up pins. I guess McIntyre must be in the doghouse for his altercation with his wife (and also a WWE Diva), Tiffany as this is the third time Christian has beaten him in six weeks! Good win for Christian but seriously, can he get a push? Honestly, he is too talented to be held back any longer.

Next, we have Kelly Kelly squaring off against one-half of the co-Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool. Kelly was looking good in blue, though I don’t think she’s as hot as Maryse or Nikki Bella. It was a short and kind of a useless match but McCool seems to be getting better at her in-ring ability. McCool reversed a hurricanrana into a Faith Breaker for the win.

So after a video package of all the RAW Superstars in China, we cut back to see Hornswoggle being examined by a doctor. Apparently, the doctor was trying to teach him how to speak English but…actually, I don’t wanna waste any more time by talking about this kind of stupid stuff. Someone tell The Nexus to go after Hornswoggle next…could you imagine 5 grown men completely destroying a small person? Hah!

We then cut to our next match featuring Chris Masters. He’s wearing lime green trunks. You know you’re a jobber when… EXCUSE ME! Oh my, we get interrupted by Vickie Guerrero! Is it me or has she lost a lot of weight? Not that I’m looking or anything…anyways, she easily gets “Heel of the Night” honours with the amount of boos she received. She introduces her boyfriend, aka “Mr. Perfect 2.0″, Dolph Ziggler. The match lasted all of 2 minutes and Dolph picked up the win with the Zig-Zag. Nothing too special here, just building up Dolph with a quick win over a bigger superstar. Good for him, seriously.

After a commercial break, we get introduced to the Big Show as he prepares to take on CM Punk and Luke Gallows in a handicap match. Looks like Show is wearing the World’s Largest Bandana. He might have stolen the fabric for that from Vickie’s old clothing because it’s huge. We then cut to a clip from this past week’s RAW when Big Show impersonated Hulk Hogan. Matt Striker asks who Show was impersonating. As if he didn’t know…guess Hogan is also getting the Benoit treatment from WWE. Punk starts against Show and after hitting a few kicks with no impact, he tags in Gallows. This made me laugh! Gallows gets chopped by Show. I swear he has probably taken 43 chops from Show in the last 3 weeks combined. SES then manages to garner some offense to Show while outside the ring. One thing I like about Punk is that he is a great worker and in every match, he does well to make himself look smart. Sadly, Gallows is athletic but not as smart. After Punk tags in Gallows, Show nails a reverse powerbomb on Gallows and follows with the Colossal Clutch for the win. After the match, things get interesting as Punk hits Gallows with the GTS! Where do we go from here? Maybe Punk turns face? Or Gallows gets the pink slip? Or how about we let Punk feud with someone his own size…like, I don’t know…CHRISTIAN!?

Jack Swagger then begins the next segment as host of the VIP Lounge. This doesn’t look like a VIP Lounge at all as there are no hot women. I thought Jack had ‘swagger’! (See what I did there?) I’m surprised Swagger still has some awards because I thought Big Show destroyed all of them a few months ago. Swagger mentions that his wheelchair-bound dad is his guest and lists off a bunch of funny credentials for daddy! Too bad his dad looked completely lifeless and un-reactive in the wheelchair. Then Swagger hands daddy the mic and daddy comes to life! Daddy wants his son to do pushups…too jokes! Swagger begins and even makes his dad count how many pushups he’s done…I was in tears laughing during this part as the boos made it funnier! I’m glad the segment got saved! MVP interrupts as Swagger gets past 43 pushups. They’re about to brawl but then Swagger uses his dad as a shield! Awesome stuff! MVP gets the upper hand and gives the Ballin’ Elbow to Daddy Swagger. Not a bad segment, though it seemed a little too long.

Next up, Matt Hardy comes out to a huge pop. His ovations are similar to Benoit a few years ago because everywhere Hardy goes, he gets cheered like crazy. His opponent is the man who is starting to grow on me, Dashing Cody Rhodes. Rhodes has a mic and totally cuts up Hardy about his weight, his look and how he is just plain done. It’s almost like Vince handed Rhodes the script himself. Rhodes then makes Hardy look into the mirror on the back of his jacket…awesome, hilarious stuff! Poor Matt, he is talented but I got to agree with Rhodes, he needs to work on his look a little bit. Hardy dominates for the most part and works on Rhodes’ leg. Hardy even locks in a single leg crab, I was surprised to see that from him. Hardy then misses a top rope move and lands on his injured leg. Rhodes works it over quickly and nails the win with the Crossrhodes. Looks like they are building up Rhodes for an IC run, or dare I say, even a World Title run. He can talk on the mic and is getting better every week. The only thing holding him back could be his size because let’s face it, Vince doesn’t like smaller guys, fella!

Last but not least, we get Kane’s Big Announcement. Kane starts his backstage message (via titantron) by stating that he will face his brother, The Undertaker at the “Night of Champions” PPV. Kane talks about how he has become the bigger and better brother and how Undertaker is weak compared to him now. He calls himself “The Devil’s Favourite Demon” and says that he has now taken The Undertaker’s powers from him. Undertaker had powers? I thought that Undertaker was just “a man” according to Chris Jericho! Anyways…after Kane starts laughing on the titantron, we see druids walk to the ring with a closed casket…could it be the Undertaker inside? The casket opens…and it’s Kane! What? I thought he was backstage! Glad to see he’s putting his new-found powers to positive use. Think he can end the BP Oil Spill? Great video editing though on the casket scene. Kane laughs even more and gets booed like crazy. Kane talks some more but he talks with such vigor and anger that he really makes you believe the storyline. I’m glad WWE is putting his verbal skills to use because he is a smart talker and plays his character well. Undertaker then finally interrupts Kane and confronts him in the ring. Then the lights go out…and Kane disappears! The casket at ringside is closed and Taker seems to think that Kane is in there and even shows a little bit of fear approaching it. Undertaker opens the casket but Kane isn’t there…he’s backstage again! Kane used the powers again! Kane then laughs at the Undertaker via titantron as his fireworks go off. I find the longer Kane laughs, the funnier it gets to me and then it no longer seems evil…it’s just funny! Anyways, The Undertaker looks worried and a little afraid and that’s good for the feud because it makes me believe that Kane is the stronger brother right now. Good ending to SmackDown and overall, a pretty decent show.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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Nick Sequeira from The Sick Era Times has another video blog. The topics discussed in the video include Kaval winning NXT Season 2, the Miz/Daniel Bryan feud, WWE unifying their titles, Michael Tarver, John Morrison, NXT Season 3 and more. Nick is available through Twitter @SICKERATION as well as on YouTube at YouTube.com/NickSickEra.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/VoiceofValeri
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Add me on Skype @ MValeri88.
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So we’ve got a special guest for today’s recap. Nick Sequeira from The Sick Era Times will be joining me via video review to give his thoughts on Raw’s 900th episode. Nick is available through Twitter @SICKERATION as well as on YouTube at YouTube.com/NickSickEra.

Raw
Raw comes to you live from Boston, Massachusetts. A lot of names, past and present, are scheduled for tonight, meaning we’re likely to see a rushed show with a lot of short matches. I understand hyping 900, since it’s a big number, but it’s not like it’s #1000. But if 900 is record-breaking and you’re going to hype it, why not hype 901 and 902? Other than 900 being an even number, it really shouldn’t make a difference. Whatever, I’m reading too much into this.

Video package featuring highlights from 17 years worth of Raw episodes. Nice stroll down memory lane.

Opener
Bret opens the show with a promo saying that The Undertaker is the only active roster member here when Raw debuted in 1993. He’s about to call him out when Kane interrupts. Kane says that “there is no Undertaker anymore thanks to me physically decimating him and leaving him to rot in a vegetative state.” Kane says that Taker is like Bret – weak and old, past his prime. He says the last time Taker was himself was when he retired HBK. Bret says he’ll enjoy it when Taker beats Kane at NoC. Kane says Undertaker took out a legend in HBK so Kane has to take out Bret. THD runs in and makes the save, but Kane prevails. He chokes Bret, and the lights go out with the gong sounding. The lights come back on, and Taker & Kane are face to face. GM sends an email saying it’s Bret vs. Taker in honour of episode #900. Wait, didn’t the GM say he didn’t want Bret to ever wrestle again when they did the Team WWE/Nexus angle a few weeks ago? Wow, they’re already ignoring it.

Episode #1 Raw flashback.

Episode #279: Austin rides the zamboni on September 28, 1998 to clothesline Vince McMahon. The peak of pro wrestling.

The Miz & Alex Riley d. Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty and Daniel Bryan & Kaval (*1/2)
Double foot stomp off the top by Kaval on MM, but Miz sneaks up from behind and hits Kaval with the Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall in 4 minutes. Post-match, Riley provides the distraction while Miz smashes Bryan with the briefcase.

Melina & Eve d. Michelle McCool & Layla (DUD)
Someone explain to me why the announce team is discussing Jersey Shore. Seriously. Why. Melina wins with a rollup on Layla in less than 1 minute. Post-match, LayCool wants to unify the titles, to which Melina accepts as long as they’re willing to do a lumberjack match. For those who didn’t see it, creative plans as of Monday night was for WWE to unify all of its championships within the next year. There would be one World Championship, one Tag Team Championship, the Intercontinental Championship, and one Women’s title. Don’t know what’s happening with the US title. It is said that a WWE/World Title Unification Match will take place at next year’s WrestleMania. I hope they don’t unify them and make them look like big pennies like they did for the Tag Team titles.

Episode #889: June 7, 2010 when Nexus dismantled Cena and the ring.

Backstage
Nexus arguing with Young being out and Sheffield having his broken ankle. Barrett says they’ll do something to fill the void. I hope HHH comes back as a heel.

Episode #850: September 7, 2009 with Bob Barker as guest host. The Jericho/Barker confrontation was awesome.

Backstage
Jericho promo. He says that if he loses at NoC, he’s gone from WWE. Mathews points out that Jericho’s been fired from Raw a bunch of times. He says he’s going to prove to Nexus and the fans that he’s the best in the world at he does. FYI, Jericho’s contract is up right after NoC, and as far as I know, he hasn’t re-signed yet, though they’re negotiating a new deal.

John Morrison & R-Truth are out to work a tag match for the #1 contendership to the tag titles. The announcers talked about how Survivor needs to be on for 40 some years to have as many episodes as Raw. Of course Survivor also has about 4 times as many viewers as Raw. They don’t mention that. It’s called selective editing. I love Cole ripping on Truth’s entrance. It’s so random to go after him, but it’s hilarious too.

#1 Contender’s Match: John Morrison & R-Truth vs. Drew McIntyre & Cody Rhodes (DUD)
And now they’re talking about Survivor and how it’ll have to be on for 40 years to reach 900 episodes. Survivor also does like a 10.0 cable rating. Anyways, all four guys start brawling 30 seconds in and the match gets thrown out. It’ll probably happen on SmackDown.

Episode #867: January 4, 2010. Bret & Shawn hug it out in the ring. Best moment of 2010.

Bret Hart vs. The Undertaker
Barrett comes out right away and says it’s about the future (Nexus), and not the past. He goes after Taker but eats a big boot. The lights go out, and Kane shows up. He brawls with Undertaker, but gets choked. The lights go out again, the gong sounds, and Kane disappears. It’s William Regal! Nexus comes out and surrounds Taker. He chokes Barrett, but the lights go out and the gong hits again. Barrett lands his finisher, Gabriel hits his 450. Why is Kane able to turn the lights out now? He must’ve eaten Taker’s soul. His soooooul. WWE needs to stop booking Bret for matches when they have no intent of having him work them. Ha, Nexus is Raw-exclusive, Taker won’t need to worry about getting jumped anymore.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne (*)
Now they discuss Friends. Ugh. 30 seconds in, Alberto Del Rio interrupts. Bourne and Swagger are still wrestling. Bourne goes for the SSP, misses, and gets put in an ankle lock. Bourne taps in 2 minutes. So Bourne goes back to jobbing? Soft. And Del Rio served no purpose ringside. Post-match, ADR says fans didn’t see SmackDown (who does?) and recreates what happened to Rey by putting Bourne in an armbar and tossing him from the ring. ADR grabs a chair, but Mark Henry makes the save.

Episode #331: September 27, 1999. “Rock This is Your Life.” The most watched segment in Raw history. Huge ratings. They went about 25 minutes straight without a commercial. I miss that so much.

In-Ring
CM Punk with the SES. Thank God. “Do you know who I’m better than? The Rock. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t make crappy movies like The Tooth Fairy.” Ha! Hysterical. Punk asks if people miss The Rock, but he says he doesn’t. He says Raw’s been promoting poor family values. He says he’s got two words for us – the crowd yells “suck it,” but he says“Katie Vick.” Ugh, don’t remind me. He says he’s going to show us four of Raw’s worst moments: 1) March ’09, HHH beats up Orton in his house. Heeeeere’s Johnny! 2) August ’06, Edge and Cena fighting outside the harbour with Cena throwing Edge in the water. Did it again on SmackDown a few weeks ago. C) April ’98, DX invades WCW. Epic, not only for storyline but also in the WWE vs. WCW war. D) March ’99, Austin’s beerbath with McMahons and The Rock. Vince swimming in the beer. Probably the best moment in pro wrestling history. Punk says we’d love it if Austin came out to soak him in beer. GLASS SHATTERS! STONE COLD!? Nope. Punk is ROFL’ing and says he feels that disappointed when he sees the fans. Nicely done.

Episode #199: June 12, 2003 SmackDown. Lesnar superplex on Big Show, and the ring exploded. So cool.

Big Show comes out and tells a story of the tainted burrito that Eddie Guerrero gave him and it caused him chronic diarrhea. Punk says “That was boring. You’re not funny and nobody likes you.” “That was mean” replies Show. This is PG dissing. Show says, “I’m not high, I’m just tall.” The segment sucked. Show cleaned house of SES to end the segment.

Episode #450: January 7, 2002. HHH comes back to Raw in MSG.

Backstage
Sheamus comes out to do an interview. He says HHH is never coming back. Or he’s coming back tonight since they’ve just done two HHH references in a row. He complains about having to team with four of his opponents in the Six Pack Challenge. Edge says experienced it all on Raw and how he’s won 29 championships in WWE, the Rumble, the King of the Ring and the first MITB winner. And he says he’s going to win the Six Pack Challenge.

Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Heath Slater & Michael Tarver d. John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, Sheamus & Chris Jericho (*1/2)

Jericho walks out for the countout loss while smiling. Edge against Tarver, but Edge pushes the ref and gets DQ’d. Gabriel hit a cheap shot on Sheamus and Slater pinned him after landing the Zig Zag. 5 on 2 now. Cena pinned Slater after about 30 seconds. 4 on 2. Cena got worked on for a bit, but gets Otunga to tap in the STF. 3 on 2. Immediately after, Gabriel hits the 450 on Cena and gets the pinfall, so it’s 3 on 1. Orton lands a quick RKO on Gabriel and pins, 2 on 1. Tarver runs in and eats an RKO seconds later, 1 on 1. Barrett comes in and hits Wasteland for the pinfall. Match lasted about 12 minutes. Orton got pinned after one move. What a shitty ending. A slow match to start, and a sloppy, disorganized, rushed ending.

Final Score: 2.5

3 Stars of the Show
* CM Punk. Bow before the Beard. He saved this show.
** Austin beerbash flashback
*** Rock/Mankind flashback

#900 really should’ve been 3 hours long. Dunno why they didn’t do it, everything seemed crammed. No one expected a ton of wrestling on the show, but it was ridiculous, there was like 15 minutes of wrestling on a 2 hour show. A night to forget.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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RAW
Raw #899 comes to you taped from Los Angeles, California.

Opener
Sheamus kicks off the show with a promo ripping into the fans. He goes along the barricade and starts calling little kids spoiled brats and stuff, it was actually pretty funny. He eventually says Orton doesn’t deserve another title shot. GM email comes and it allows him to sit in a King of the Ring-esque chair at the top of the stage all night. He gets to watch some matches and choose his opponent for Night of Champions based on who impresses him the most.

Edge d. R-Truth (*1/2)
Edge won in about 4 minutes via spear. Cole critisized Truth’s entrance again. Post-match, Edge went up to the stage and cut a short promo on Sheamus.

Chris Jericho d. Khali (*1/2)
Khali tapped out to the Walls of Jericho in 4 minutes after Jericho worked his leg for the entire match. I can’t remember the last time someone tapped to the Walls.

Backstage
Cena promo saying The Miz has a big mouth, etc.

Melina d. Jillian (1/2*)
Pre-match, Jillian sang Not Afraid by Eminem. Jillian got some offence in, but Melina won with her sunset flip powerbomb thing in 3 minutes. Post-match, Laycool showed up to say they’d be at Raw next week to give Melina an offer she can’t refuse. Creative probably watched The Godfather this week.

Backstage

Miz promo on how Cena put Team WWE at risk by picking Daniel Bryan over himself. Very well done overall, as usual from him.

In-Ring
Nexus comes out to the stage, but an email comes in saying that the Nexus ban on title shots has officially been lifted. Barrett, who won NXT Season 1 and is guaranteed a title shot of his choosing at a PPV of his choosing, can now challenge. Sheffield & Otunga looked like they were going to start going for the tag titles, but plans appear to have changed after Sheffield broke his leg. Barrett ends off saying “consider our truce over.”

The Miz d. John Cena via DQ (***)
Cena applies the STF, but Miz gets the bottom rope. He came back, missed the Skull Crushing Finale and bailed to the floor. Daniel Bryan ran in and smoked Miz from behind, causing a DQ. He throws Miz in, who eats an Attitude Adjustment. Postimatch, Cena welcomes Bryan into the ring, who puts his crossface armbar with Miz tapping his little heart out. Great segment – it builds a feud to Miz/Bryan, and everyone looks strong. Nicely done.

Kozlov & Santino d. The Usos (1/2*)
Surprisingly, the Usos jobbed. They’re done. Post-match, Tamina stopped one of them from beating down Santino on the outside and eventually blew him a kiss through a blowdart. So lame.

Flashback: The Big Event in Toronto in 1986.

Randy Orton d. John Morrison & Ted DiBiase (*1/4)
Typical triple threat match with one guy always on the outside. Orton sent DiBiase out, so Morrison leaped onto Orton off a springboard from the apron but it turned into a big RKO (not nearly as good as the one on Bourne). Post-match, DiBiase tries a sneak attack on Orton but he evades and lands an RKO. Orton continues to be built up heading into NoC.

Backstage
Sheamus says he’s announcing his NoC opponent tonight.

In-Ring
And the winner is: Zack Ryder. Sheamus lands the scissor kick to win in about 9 seconds. Ryder did get some mic time on the plus side. Post-match, Sheamus said he doesn’t have to defend the title for another 30 days between defences and will take the month, and NoC, off. Barrett came out to say he won NXT so he gets a PPV title shot and he was getting it at NoC.

GM email comes in saying that it would be a Six Pack Challenge at NoC. The match would involve: Sheamus, Barrett, Jericho, Orton, Edge and Cena. They all circle Barrett and start a beatdown and Sheamus tossed him from the ring, who then quickly ate a Codebreaker from Jericho, who got a spear from Edge, who got an Attitude Adjustment from Cena, who got an RKO from Orton. Wow.

Final Score: 4

Three Stars of the Show
* The Miz
** Chris Jericho
*** Sheamus

The promos by Sheamus and Miz were strong, but the matches weren’t long enough to have any substance. The Miz/Bryan storyline is really the only intriguing thing so far.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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A lot of people are asking me about Lance Cade’s passing last week (August 13). I’m not going to do a big piece on steroids in pro wrestling since I just wrote a thesis on steroids in professional sports. Nonetheless, I’ll comment on my thoughts surrounding steroids in pro wrestling since it remains a topic that continues to come to the forefront of the industry.

So as we all know, last week, Lance McNaught (aka Lance Cade) died what appeared to be heart failure. He was just 29 years of age. McNaught’s wife, Tanya, had noticed that Lance was not looking well in the week prior to his death, and was taken to hospital on August 10 with difficulty breathing. The next day, however, he discharged himself. The next day, McNaught went to visit his father’s workplace on August 12, still looking unwell. His father insisted that Lance stay the night with his parents, during which he passed away in the early hours of August 13.

Unfortunately, McNaught has a history of addictions with pain and sleeping pills. During his first tenure in the WWE, he was fired in 2008 after having a seizure on an airplane. Former commentator Jim Ross said that it was “a major league mistake while utilizing bad judgment,” leading many to logically believe that the seizure stemmed from another drug-related issue. To this day, however, details of the firing have not been released.

A drug-related death is something that the WWE and the pro wrestling industry has gotten used to over the years. Here are a few names of some stars who have gone well before their time;

“Mr. Perfect” Curt Henning (44) via cocaine overdose.

Brian “Crush” Adams (44) via painkiller overdose.

Bam Bam Bigelow (45) via lethal levels of cocaine & anti-anxiety pills.

Mike “Crash Holly” Lockwood (32) via lethal combination of painkillers.

Miss Elizabeth (42) via accidental overdose of alcohol, pain killers, nausea medication & tranquilizers.

Eddie Guerrero (38) via heart disease, complicated by an enlarged heart resulting due to history of anabolic steroids.

Eddie “Umaga” Fatu (36) via acute toxicity from combined effects of hydrocodone, carisoprodol and diazepam.

I just think it’s really unfortunate. Especially in the death of Guerrero, a lot of people are blaming WWE Chairman Vince McMahon or the pro wrestling industry as a result for wrestlers’ deaths, which isn’t fair or correct. WWE has a very strict Wellness Policy in place to ensure that their employees are clean under their bill. Many of these talents are dying while not employeed by the WWE. What they do to their bodies is out of WWE’s control. That’s also why Vince offers drug rehab to any former employees who ask for it, and all costs are covered by the WWE.

To be honest, I don’t believe the problem lies with the WWE or with Vince, but rather, with the wrestler him/herself. WWE is obligated to ensure that their employees have a clean bill of health when performing for them. What they do before or after their WWE careers is entirely uncontrollable. These wrestlers aren’t dying while they’re wrestling, which is often another misconception about pro wrestling. If these talents are dying while employed by WWE, it’s never because of a wrestling accident or mishap – there’s always a trace back to drug abuse. The Wellness Policy has done a very good job of screening talents over the years, and has saved a number of people. Case in point, MVP – in 2007, MVP (aka Alvin Burke Jr.) was diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, which is essentially a rare heart condition that causes the heart to work faster than it normally would, which drastically increases the chance of heart attacks, etc.. Where would he be without the Wellness Policy? Who knows. He could be fine, he could be dead. Most likely the latter, since it’s certainly within the realm of possibility that the condition could’ve worsened, he could’ve experienced more severe symptoms and they wouldn’t have been able to do anything in time. This way, WWE has caught the condition early on and can cope with it and treat it as they go along, rather than learning of this during the autopsy.

Wrestling is a profession that wears and tears on the human body like nothing else. I have a few friends who are indy wrestlers, and it’s clear that your bones and muscles take an absolute beating, even without tables, ladders and chairs. Combine that with a schedule like WWE’s where their performers are on the road 300+ days a year, and it’s understandable to see why people turn to bottles of alcohol or prescription drugs to deal with aches, pains and bruises. Not everyone does this, though, and everyone deals with these nagging injuries differently. By looking at the veterans on the roster now, it’s easy to see that drug use is not the only route an individual can take. Guys like The Undertaker, Triple H, Edge, Kane, Christian, etc. have never had issues like these. Hell, WWE’s crash test dummy, Mick Foley, the world’s most glorified stuntman, is a prime example of this theory. Foley has suffered more injuries than anyone, and his career has been made famous by being slammed through tables, slammed onto thumb tacks, being tossed of a Hell in a Cell, and generally taking stupid spills that have made him an icon in the wrestling industry. He has, however, lived a clean life. Chris Jericho is another great example – WWE superstar by day, rockstar by night. The Fozzy frontman has never had a drug abuse issue, but you’d think with the number of drug-related deaths in the WWE mixed with the “typical” rockstar lifestyle, Jericho should’ve died 3 times by now.

Put it this way: if something makes you dependent on it, it’s not good for you. Nothing. I realize that I sound pretty hard on drug users. And I am. I really have very little sympathy for people who lack self control. I don’t have sympathy for people who have ruined their lives by making choices that they know are harmful to their health and well-being. I really don’t see how some people like Jake Roberts can live a life controlled by addiction and drugs. Personally, I have no experience with drugs. I’ve never tried smoking anything, I’ve never snorted anything, I’ve never injected myself with anything, and I’ve never put any kind of non-prescribed pill on my tongue. I don’t see why anyone would want to. I try not to take Robitussin or ColdFX when I’m sick. I try not to take a Tylenol when I have a headache. I wasn’t even a fan of taking Claritin to relieve my allergies in June. Hell, I don’t even take Pepto Bismol when I get the shits. Over the years, I’ve found the best medicine for any illness, pain, discomfort, etc. to be your own body – let it work it’s course – you’ll increase your tolerance for pain, you’ll overcome your illness quicker as well as develop a better immunity for it, and you strengthen your own immune system in the process. In fact, I’m usually sick only once a year, often during the transition from fall to winter, and usually because I still dress summer-y late into the calendar year. A few years ago, I underwent minor dental surgery to have 4 wisdom teeth removed. Immense pain – a dull, grinding, heavy, bland, monotonous pain that maintained its intensity for days. I was prescribed Tylenol 3 – a more powerful version of the regular Tylenol pill – to numb the pain from the surgery. I took it once and I’ll never take it again. I started throwing up black blood, I was dry heaving, my stomach was in knots, and I had zero appetite for the rest of the day. Personally, I don’t like the way it makes me feel, whether it makes you feel like everything is more significant, like you’re happier in general, or if it makes you light-headed like you’re on Cloud #9. I do drink socially (not hard liquor), but within my limits. I don’t see a reason for needing to go above and beyond what your body can handle.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. McNaught’s death will not be the last we see of ex-WWE drug users. The likes of Jeff Hardy, Sean Waltman, Scott Hall and even Jake Roberts remain active in the wrestling industry, and as destiny will have it, each of them are burying themselves in an early grave because of their addictions. WWE has paid for rehab for all and has tried to do the same for Jeff. But like I said earlier, it’s not WWE’s responsibility to ensure that they all live long and fulfilling lives – it’s up to the individuals to get themselves clean. The help is there, but the next step is in their hands. And it’s especially interesting for Roberts, who continues to wrestle into his mid-50′s and counting. If he wasn’t broke off his ass and needed to live life paycheck-by-paycheck and had a job where he wasn’t being slammed for a living, would he be clean? Of course not. In fact, I don’t think any of those 4 would be. Their wrestling careers are completely and utterly irrelevant to their personal lifestyle and are entirely separate from the choices they make in their life – they’re not clean because he chooses to be. They’ve had countless chances to quit, but they simply don’t want to.

While McNaught was taken well before his time, the real tragedy is that he leaves behind two daughters, who will now grow up without their father, as well as his wife, who will have the task of raising two girls single-handedly, in addition to coping with the loss of her husband because of his addictions problem. Vince McMahon cannot be blamed, nor can the WWE. The fault lies solely on Lance McNaught.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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RAW
Raw comes to you live from Los Angeles, California.

Opener
Nexus kicks it off with a promo talking about how the group isn’t dead despite the loss at SummerSlam. Cena interrupts and cuts a long promo ripping into each Nexus member. Basically, he called Gabriel gay and said that Slater looked like the chick from Wendy’s. Ha! He also did a “Moew moew moew moew” thing for Skip, and said his mom had an affair to produce Darren Young. It was alright. An email comes in saying that each Nexus member will have to face a member from Team WWE, but it will be of Nexus’ choosing who faces who. Barrett delivers an ultimatum saying any Nexus member losing will see them kicked out of the group. Otunga says the same goes for Wade. Since there’s going to be 5-7 matches, you can expect them to all be short and crappy with stupid finishes. Great.

Wade Barrett d. Chris Jericho (**)
Barrett won via his fireman’s carry slam in less than 5 minutes.

In-Ring
Guest host time. It’s Justin Long, the guy from College Humor and another guy who I don’t know. I think the movie was called Going the Distance or something. Anyways, they bring out The Hart Dynasty. Email comes in saying that the Unified Tag Team Championships are no more, and they’re being combined to make the new WWE Tag Team Championships. Bret comes out to give them to THD, and Jesus Christ are they ugly! They look like giant pennies, they’re absolutely disgusting. It’s like the Smoking Skull belt mixed with copper wire and rust, it’s just awful. I’d rather have them carry 4 belts around like idiots than this monstrosity. Damn. To cap it off, Gabriel comes on the titantron and says that he’s fighting Bret.

Michael Tarver d. Daniel Bryan (1/2*)
Tarver won in about 2 minutes via rollup. The whole time, Michael Cole is just chirping Daniel nonstop and praising The Miz. Big crowd pops for Daniel, who dominated the match until Miz and his NXT rookie Alex Riley come out and distract Daniel on the mat. Post-match, Daniel lands an awesome suicide dive onto Miz & Riley but takes a beatdown afterwards, closing out with a Skull Crushing Finale on the MITB briefcase. I hope Miz and Daniel feud, that’d be sweet.

Backstage
Miz & Riley cut a promo about how Daniel’s overrated and Riley is the next up-and-coming guy.

Backstage
Darren Young announces that he’s fighting Cena tonight. Otunga & company give him props for manning up even though Cena kicked his ass a month ago.

Justin Gabriel d. Randy Orton via Countout (3/4*)
Before the match, an email from the GM says that Gabriel won’t face Hart because the GM hates him and hopes he never sees him wrestle again. Wait, didn’t the GM have Bret bring out the tag belts? Wow. Anyways, Gabriel won in 3 minutes via countout. Sheamus came to ringside as Orton was stalking and he bailed to beat down Sheamus. They went threw the crowd and and stayed out long enough for the count. The bell rings, so Orton heads back to the ring and RKOs Gabriel. Crowd erupted. Post-match, Orton beat the hell outta Sheamus with a chair on the mat in front of the announce table. Must’ve hit him a half-dozen times in the back. Orton leaves, but Sheamus slowly gets to his feet, so Orton runs back and RKOs him. Crowd absolutely lost it with Orton screaming and twitching. It was awesome, and the announce team did well putting Orton’s anger and frustration over.

Skip Sheffield & David Otunga d. John Morrison & R-Truth (*)
Cole got frustrated with Truth’s singing during his intro. “I get it, I get what’s up!” Skip won with the clothesline on Morrison in less than 5 minutes.

Alicia Fox, Maryse & Jillian d. Melina, Eve Torres & Gail Kim (*)
Jillian scores the pinfall on Eve. Regular Divas match I guess. Maryse is too damn gorgeous. Not even fair.

Backstage
Edge promo that gets interrupted by Slater. He talks about how similar he and Edge are (same rocker hair, etc.) He asks Edge to no-show their match tonight, but Edge declines, saying that he doesn’t want to record books to show that he lost to a “Wendy’s look-alike, ginger-haired, Edge wannabe.” Ha! I LOL’d when I saw this. Edge walked away and Slater hit him from behind, then bailed.

Heath Slater d. Edge via countout (*1/2)
Edge goes for a spear on the outside as the ref is counting, but as he runs, Slater rolls back in and Edge is counted out in 4 minutes. They botched it, as he had a 1.5 seconds to get back in the ring, but he just doubled over for no reason. Post-match, Edge Speared Slater to end the segment.

Backstage
Khali w/ Justin Long, who he asks for advice for his girlfriend and their long distance relationship. Khali shows him a picture of her, and the College Humor guys says “Woah, is that a human being?” Another LOL moment. The Bellas then showed up and he left with Khali for no apparent reason.

John Cena d. Darren Young (*1/2)
Betcha didn’t see that coming! This was the longest match on the night at about 8 minutes, with Cena winning via STF. Post-match, Nexus climbs on the apron but leaves Cena room to back out from behind, which he does. They get in and do their typical Nexus beatdown on Young, who tried to apologize for losing. He takes the Otunga slam, Barrett slam and 450 splash. Barrett was walking out of the ring, then stopped to get back in and close the show with their final pose.

Three Stars of the Show
* Randy Orton
** Chris Jericho
*** Wade Barrett

Final Score: 4.5

Quite a few matches on the show, but none were all that good. Which reminds me, how many times was the Nexus theme song played? I think it was 7. I like it before. Not anymore. So, with Nexus winning all but 1 match last night, the entire SummerSlam PPV was essentially worthless, since everything was undone. To be honest, I think Otunga, Tarver and Young are the three worst guys overall for Nexus, but that’s just me. I really hope WWE runs with the Miz/BD feud, it’ll be a great chance to see how capable BD is in the ring and what WWE fans have to look forward to.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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SummerSlam
WWE SummerSlam comes to you live from Los Angeles, California.

Intercontinental Championship: (C) Dolph Zigger vs. Kofi Kingston ends in No Contest
To be honest, I was still getting home from work, and as soon as I flipped it on, the match was already over, so I can’t comment on what happened. Reports say that it was about 8 minutes long before Nexus came out and ruined it by beating down both guys. Bastards! Barrett promo on how Nexus is a well-oiled machine and how Team Raw isn’t.

Backstage
Jericho and Edge trying to get Miz to join Team Raw.

Divas Championship: Melina d. (C) Alicia Fox (*1/4)
Melina won in 5 minutes. I started watching here but never got into it. To be frank, it was a Divas’ match – how good could it have been?

Big Show d. Straight Edge Society (*1/4)
Ew, Punk got a new tattoo right across his chest, it looks stolen from The Godfather. This is when I started watching. I had though that SES would win, but Punk played the bitch and bailed at the end while Show slammed Gallows & Mercury for the pinfall. Punk played bitch the whole time and was cowarding for most of the match.

Backstage
Kane w/ Sheamus. They were talking about Sheamus borrowing the casket to put Orton into. At this point in the night, a chocolate fondu thing was brough out, so my concentration was solely on mixing pineapple and chocolate. So good.

In-Ring
Miz promo on joining Team Raw. He chirped the entire team. It was actually really good, a great heel promo all in all. Miz eventually accepts the offer and says he’ll guide his team to victory. He starts his ending catchphrase but snaps at the crowd and yells at them, saying they’re not allowed to say it and they’ve got to be perfectly silent while he does it. Great stuff.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton d. (C) Sheamus via DQ (***)
Solid match. A very slow beginning, but it really picked up. Match was about 18 minutes when Sheamus grabbed a chair and flipped the ref out of the ring while they were fighting over it. They didn’t want Orton to get pinned while still keeping the strap on Sheamus, and as predicted, the DQ finish will lead to a rematch at Night of Champions.

Kane d. Rey Mysterio (*3/4)
The guys worked hard, but the match just didn’t click. Kane won via chokeslam at 10 minutes. Post-match, Kane lands 2 chokeslames and a tombstone piledriver. He goes to put Rey in the casket, which was opened and empty twice before, but the third time saw Taker sit up while in it. Taker got out, talked to Rey, but turned around and choked Kane – Kane choked back and landed a tombstone. Taker looked like crap – groggy, fatter, slower, much less agile. I hope that was intended, otherwise, yikes.

10 minutes before the main event match went live, WWE.com posts a story on Bryan Daniel returning. I clicked on the link and there it was with the article saying that Miz came out for the match, Cena told him he was off the team and that BD was the new 7th man. Sure enough, that’s what happened. Whoever did that at WWE.com is knee-deep in hot water.

Team WWE d. Team Nexus (****)

You know what I don’t get? Why is it Team WWE is there aren’t any SmackDown guys? Whatever. Daniel Bryan officially in as #7 to a huge pop. Of course, Michael Cole is chirping him the entire time. At least they stayed consistent. The match lasted 35 minutes with Team WWE winning. Sheffield was booked strong – he tooked a chairshot to the gut from Bret, followed by a Codebreaker and a Spear before being pinned. JoMo and Truth were the first two to go, and as expected, Bret didn’t take a single punch – he threw some punches, jabbed a chair and got DQ’d. After Jericho and Edge lost, they re-turned heel and beat down Cena on the outside for a bit, which the crowd ate up. BD got a hot tag when down 3 on 2, and the crowd erupted. His offense was insane – a nice backflip off the turnbuckle, some nice running spots and two submission victories via armbar crossface. Even Matt Striker was screaming for Cattle Mutilation. If BD did that in WWE, I’d probably shit my pants. After the second submission, Miz ran out and clocked BD with the briefcase and Barrett scored the pinfall. Nexus has Wade and Gabriel vs. Cena. They pull the mat off and DDT him on the exposed floor. Gabriel goes for the 450 splash but misses and made him tap via STF. Barrett runs in, toe hold drop and STF, he taps too. All of this happened within like 30 seconds of the DDT. Ridiculous.

The Nexus guys looked great. No problems whatsoever. Skip and Gabriel were probably the best, they shone the brightest for sure. Not sure why WWE beat Nexus on the first try, especially keeping Cena face. Didn’t make sense to me.

3 Stars of the Show
* Bryan Daniel
** Randy Orton
*** Sheamus

Final Score: 6

The main event was solid, but I didn’t like the finish. I don’t know why Nexus didn’t win this one and then have a build to War Games or something. No HHH return, no HHH heel turn and no Cena heel turn. BD’s return was awesome, I’m very glad he’s back. Now, question: was his firing a work? Was he “fired” only to have them intentially bring him back for this, or was it just a coincidence? I had no idea he’d return for this as his indy bookings run through September. Miz’ promo was great, and his shot at BD was even better. I really hope they feud, quicktime.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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WWE
The 23rd annual installment of SummerSlam comes to you live August 15th from the Staples Center in LA for the third consecutive year. SummerSlam has had some great matches over the years, but with very poor PPV buyrates for WWE, everything seems to have been taken down a notch. This year’s edition looks different, though – the storylines are longer and much more focused and deep, and there are a bunch of new, fresh faces in the PPV picture which is a nice shakeup from the same guys in the same matches over and over again.

3-on-1 Handicap Match: Big Show vs. Straight Edge Society (CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury w/ Serena)
Unfortunately, CM Punk is hurt right now, and it’s upsetting to see where he is now at SummerSlam compared to where he was last year when he beat Jeff Hardy for the WWE Championship in an awesome TLC match. I don’t see SES losing this: they may be booked weak, but they won’t lose. Pick: SES.

Divas Championship: Alicia Fox (C) vs. Melina
Melina made her much-anticipated return to Raw two weeks ago and was immediately brought back into the title picture after having forfeited it because of her injury. As such, Melina just came back and they really don’t have another big name diva for her to feud with yet, so the title stays. Pick: Alicia.

Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler (C) vs. Kofi Kingston
Dolph finally won the IC title, so kudos goes out to him. That said, when Kofi’s defending it against him over and over again, he will lose it. It’s too soon to take the title off of Ziggler, and the match will be too short to have any real substance. Pick: Ziggler.

World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (C) vs. Rey Mysterio
Congrats to Kane for holding a major WWE title for more than 24 hours! I wonder if The Undertake will show up, or at least interrupt/distract in this one. I think a video package/lights dimming will happen or something to that effect, because it doesn’t make sense for Rey to win clean. Or at all, for that matter. I think Rey will be booked stronger to continue the feud, but Kane retains. Pick: Kane.

WWE Championship: Sheamus (C) vs. Randy Orton
The new stip says that if anyone interferes in the match on the champion’s behalf, they will be suspended. In addition, if Orton loses, he gets no rematch and moves to the back of the line. Their first singles match at Royal Rumble was pretty average, but Sheamus has improved a lot since then and Orton is even more over with the crowd. They both had great, simple promos on Raw that pushed the importance of the match. I say Sheamus retains, but somehow Orton gets a rematch at Night of Champions.Sheamus retains. Pick: Sheamus.

7-on-6 Elimination Match: Team Raw vs. Nexus
Team WWE (John Cena, Bret Hart, Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, R-Truth and ?) and Nexus (Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater and Darren Young)

This will be a big test for Nexus, each fighting in the biggest match of their short careers. Barrett has proven that he’s capable of holding his own on the mic and in the ring, but as with all rookie stables, the rest of them have been fairly unused and none have really been in the ring by themselves for more than a minute or two at a time. This is perfect booking, though – any weaknesses they have can easily be hidden in a match  format like this.

Team WWE looked strong at the conclusion of Raw following weeks of crumbling and disengagement. I think it goes without saying that Bret will not be one of the last remaining survivors. A lot of rumours about this one that someone is turning heel. Cena? HHH? Morrison? It sure as hell won’t be Bret. I think someone will turn heel and help Nexus, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be Sunday. Morrison’s new beard has ‘heel’ written all over it, and his promos look like they could be much better as a heel. One of either Cena or HHH are rumoured to be aligning themselves with Nexus, but I don’t see Cena turning heel on his team.

Also, who will be Team Raw’s #7? The Great Khali is out of this match after Nexus attacked his knee on Raw. As per the Raw tease, I expect The Miz to do something here. Him, or Evan Bourne, who is without a match come Sunday. Could HHH be saving Team Raw?

This Nexus angle appears to be building to something bigger, again, with talk of him or Cena leading the stable. That could still happen, but I think it’s too soon right now. I think Nexus wins Sunday. This show should do a better buyrate than their most recent PPVs if history is any indication – Team WWF got swerved by Stone Cold and lost to Team WCW/ECW at the Invasion PPV back in 2001, which did the biggest WWE buyrate for a non-WrestleMania show ever. This is the perfect opportunity to build it up again and make something just as big for War Games. Pick: Nexus.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
VoV – www.voiceofvaleri.com
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Raw
Raw comes to you live from Sacramento, California. Am I worried about the Sacramento Kings? Not as much as I’m worried about the Sacramento Queens.

Opener
Bret Hart kicks off Raw with a promo. Why is he wearing a Batman shirt? Are they even allowed to do that? He talks about the problems that Team Raw is having and how he put in the good word to Cena about Edge and Jericho because of their experience and stuff, but says he guesses he was wrong. He calls out both guys, but only Jericho shows. Jericho says he wants to be convinced that he’s the best in the world at what he does, that the team needs him to win, etc. but Bret says he’s not going to do that. Hart says this is Jericho’s time to man up and change things, and how quitting the team will not hurt the WWE but only hurt him since no one will want anything to do with him anymore. Hart continued, but Jericho still says no. Jericho calls Hart a hypocrite like all the fans and can see that Bret is scared when he looks in his eyes since they can’t beat Nexus without Jericho or Edge. “Once again in the WWE, Bret Hart is screwed.” He says he’s not interested in teaming with Cena and is even less interested in teaming with Hart. Tonight he’s going to take out Hart and Cena so they can’t compete at SummerSlam.

Edge interrupts and cuts a face promo, saying, “What’s the matter with you, this is Bret The Hitman Hart. We grew up idolizing him. He’s the reason we got into this business, Chris.” Edge says how Jericho trained in The Dungeon while Edge saved money to go to Maple Leaf Gardens in hopes of Hart putting his sunglasses on his head. Wow, me too. Edge then says, “I don’t know about Jericho, but you can count me in.” Jericho leaves the ring, but as Edge and Bret shake hands, Edge goes for a kick, which Bret catches and turns into a sharpshooter. Before he can fully lock in, Jericho gives Bret a thumb to the eye and both guys bail.

As Rated Y2J go up the ramp, Natalya runs down to the ring crying and panicking. The jumbotron goes backstage and we see Nexus beating down The Hart Dynasty. Barrett says “looks like it’s not your day, Bret.” Bret and Natalya run to the back. They’re checking on THD and Bret goes and grabs a chair, but Cena stops him, saying that this is what Nexus wants and that they’ll be able to pick them off one by one this way. Cena says going to have a discussion with The Great Khali. Great opening segment.

The Miz d. Evan Bourne (1/2*)
Neither guy is booked for Summerslam. The crowd starts a “Miz is Awesome” chant. Bourne sold the running clothesline into the turnbuckle nicely. Bourne hit an AWESOME backwards hurricarana off the top rope – he jumped backwards over the back onto a backwards Miz, so everything was forwards. It was wicked, YouTube it. Miz kicks out and eventually hits the Skull Crushing Finale at 4 minutes. Post match, Miz says he doesn’t care if it’s Sheamus or Orton that wins on Sunday, he’ll cash in his MITB when he’s ready.

Backstage
Cena w/ Khali but no audio. Where the hell are they? It looks like a sewer or something. Why does Khali hang around there? Anyways, as usual, Khali is in his awkward, generic pose. Gotta love it.

Melina d. Alicia Fox (*)
Melina has put on a bit of weight. It was a fairly long match for a Divas match. Melina got a lot of offence in in this one. Fox puts her in a torture rack, but Melina reverses and lands a sunset flip powerbomb for the fall at 4 minutes.

Backstage
Matthews w/ Khali. Singh is MIA, so we’re stuck translating for ourselves. Khali’s rambling in Punjabi, and everyone’s like “WHAT?” Yeah, I said the same. Matthews asks him to speak in English, and he says he’s fighting Barrett tonight. If he can speak English, why does he speak Punjabi first knowing that no one can understand him?

Alicia Fox (C) vs. Melina has been added to SummerSlam.

Backstage
Rated Y2J talking about what Bret said. Jericho says Bret might have had a point. Edge says they have survived everybody in the business naming Rock, Austin, etc. Jericho says tonight they take out Cena & Bret because there won’t be a SummerSlam match without them, and that’ll put them in the clear.

Backstage
R-Truth with John Morrison talk about replacements for the team. Mark Henry comes out and says he can fill the void for two guys. Yeah, no kidding. He says this match will be his audition. Nexus is seen watching a TV, and they walk off.

Ted Dibiase vs. Mark Henry ends in No Contest
Nexus shows up, so the match is thrown out. They toss Henry into the steps shoulder-first and leave through the crowd. Cole says that Nexus’ plan is to eliminate all potential replacements for Team WWE.

In-Ring

Sheamus out. He says he’s not afraid of Randy Orton and shows a video package of his matches. Then he calls out Orton. Randy comes out to say he thinks Sheamus is full of it. Sheamus says everyone takes him seriously, while Orton says he’s going to blow it this Sunday at SummerSlam just like he blew it last week when he had a chance to take out Orton. Orton says Sheamus has never beaten him. Sheamus said he’s taken out HHH and Cena, Orton says he’s neither of them, but Sheamus counters with Orton not the WWE Champion either. Orton says to do something about it (attack him) since he was too afraid to do it last week. Loud “RKO” chants start up, but we get an email.

The GM says if anybody interferes in the title match at SummerSlam they will be suspended indefinitely. If Orton loses at SummerSlam, there will be no rematch and he will go back to the end of the line. If Sheamus is not scared, then the GM encourages him to do something about it right now.

Sheamus slowly starts to walk away, but quickly spins and fakes a punch, but Orton doesn’t flinch. Sheamus goes to leave again, but Orton jumps him from behind. Sheamus hits a heavy clothesline but misses the scissor kick. Orton reverses it into an inverted backbreaker and decided to punt Sheamus in the skull. He winds up but stops right before Sheamus’ head to scare him. Sheamus turns as pale as a ghost…oops. Great segment.

Michael McGillicutty, Alex Riley & Husky Harris d. Kaval, Percy Watson & Lucky Cannon (*)
Sheamus is still ringside, pacing. Cannon hits a crossbody on MM. Blind tag by Husky. I just found out that he’s the son of IRS. Cool. He hits his running back splash for the fall on Kaval in 4 minutes. Post match, Sheamus beats up Lucky & MM on the floor, then gets in the ring and High Crosses Kaval. He says that at this time next week he will be our WWE Champion.

John Morrison & R-Truth vs. William Regal & Zack Ryder (1/2*)
I like JoMo’s beard. Cole says that Ryder calls himself “Long Isand Iced Z.” No comment. JoMo hits a backwards rock bottom backflip thing. Outstanding, YouTube it. Morrison hits Starship Payne on Ryder for the fall in 2 minutes.

Summertime Spectacular: The Bellas vs. Maryse/Jillian vs. Gail/Eve (DUD)
Not much to say here. It’s as bad as a regular 1-on-1 Divas match, but they’ve just multiplied the amount of bad in the ring from 2 to 6. Maryse interferes, so Gail puts a rubber donut on her and kicks her. One Bella hits Jillian and the other comes off the top with a cross body for the pinfall. Santino was ref, and was hilarious as usual. Kozlov was ringside. I don’t know why. Post match, Tamina comes out to stare down Santino and blocks him from leaving the ring. She gives way and slaps his ass on the way out. He’s confused. “She touch-a my bum!”

Summerslam Recall: 1991 Bossman vs. The Mountie. Did he just use a police baton as a taser? Don’t tase me bro!

Backstage
Khali headed to the ring, but he’s jumped by Nexus and taken out at the knees. They leave as a ref shows up to call for help. Evan Bourne really needs to join Team WWE. Might as well, since they’re pushing him so hard to begin with.

In-Ring
The Nexus comes out. Wade Barrett tells us that the match against Khali has been cancelled. Probably for the better. Wade says they’re going to win and achieve more than anybody has ever imagined. Skip tells us that Raw has become their show even though they’ve only had like 2 matches. Otunga says “you’re either Nexus or against us.”

Backstage

This is shown on the jumbotron with Nexus watching, by the way. Hart & Cena walking and Miz shows up. He says it was a matter of time before they came looking for him. He wants to hear Bret ask him to be on the team. Bret says: “Fine, are you in or out?” Miz wants to hear it from Cena too, who asks the exact same thing. He says times have changed in just one year with Cena asking Miz for help. His final answer is, “I’ll let you know Sunday.” Cena says it’s a shame they might need him.

Justin Long is guest host next week. He’s in Live Free or Die Hard/Accepted.

Chris Jericho & Edge (Edgicho?) vs. Bret Hart & John Cena
Edge quickly tosses Cena to the floor and Nexus beats him up before throwing him back. They’re all standing facing TV-side for some reason. Jericho throws Cena out and they beat him up, then they do it again. Cena eventually tosses Jericho out, who braces as if he’s getting hit by a train. Nexus does nothing and lets him get in the ring on his own accord. Cena goes for an AA but Jericho counters into the Walls. Cena tossed out again on another side, but he nails Barrett with a right hand before getting back onto the apron. Jericho hits Barrett by accident, Jericho screams at him so Nexus beats up Jericho now. Edge comes in for the save, but he gets beaten down too. Hart pulls in Justin Gabriel and hits him before they pull him back out.

Nexus huddles up around ringside. I guess the match is over now. It’s 7-on-2 now. They climb up on the apron, but JoMo and Truth run in beside Cena, so it’s now 7-on-4. Edge and Jericho are watching from the ramp. They look at each other, then continue up the ramp. They stop, look at each other again and run back into the ring to back Cena. The crowd is HUGE at this point and it’s now 7-on-6. A huge staredown, it’s like the opening of the X-Men cartoon. Everybody starts pumping their fists and Edge hits on the Nexus guys to cue a huge brawl. The crowd absolutely ERUPTS. This is awesome. I’m going nuts too. Nexus quickly bails and Team WWE stands in the ring.

Three Stars of the Show
* Evan Bourne. Sick spot.
** John Morrison. Sick spot.
*** Chris Jericho. He screams in the ring a lot.

Final Score: 7

The main event was barely a match as expected, but it hyped SummerSlam, so mission accomplished. Jericho & Edge rejoining was kinda obvious, but The Miz is likely member #7. None of the matches went over 5 minutes, but it was a solid show in terms of promoting the PPV. I’m very excited to catch the show next Sunday. Everything seems that much more intense.

VoV

Marc Valeri – captaincharisma@hotmail.com
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