“Yeah, I know I’m on…but I don’t care! I don’t read the news until I get my danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement!”
MONEY IN THE BANK
2012 Money in the Bank comes to you live from Phoenix, Arizona.
WWE.com YouTube Pre-Match
R-Truth & Kofi Kingston defeated Hunico & Camacho at 8 minutes.
Great MITB video package, as always. Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Booker T are the announcers.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match: World Heavyweight Championship contract: Dolph Ziggler d. Cody Rhodes vs. Christian vs. Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd vs. Sin Cara vs. Tensai vs. Santino (A-)
There are a bunch of ladders scattered around the ring of varying sizes. Everybody is taking turns doing spills early. Sin Cara with a dangerous looking turnbuckle move on Ziggler. That could’ve broken his neck. Christian misses a big Frog Splash and lands on the ladder. Ouch. Kidd looking great early with a nice spill and a unique apron attack on Rhodes. Tensai with a botched powerbomb on Santino while pulling him off the ladder. Another sloppy move so early on. Man, Sin Cara looks identical to Rey Mysterio physically in the ring. Christian on the receiving end of a nice double team from Rhodes and Ziggler, getting his midsection slammed against the ladder vertically while he’s still holding on. Nicely done. Santino has it won, but he’s afraid of heights, as the Cobra is helping him up the ladder. After a Cobra to Sandow at the top of the ladder, Cody hits a nice dropkick on the ladder, sending Santino crashing onto a ladder. Cody starts climbing, but Vickie meets him halfway and starts nagging, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag. Kidd uses a propped ladder and hits a unique spinning slam to take Ziggler off the ladder. On the outside, Tensai props a ladder between the announce table and the apron, then powerbombs Cara on it! Awesome. Then grabs Ziggler and tosses him into the announce table chairs for another great sell. Kidd takes a massive frontface suplex to the mat while Christian hits a big Spear from ladder to ladder on Rhodes! Wow. Christian knocks Santino off the ladder, who does a comedy cartoon ladder-fall hitting his face on all the rungs. Ziggler leaps onto the side of the ladder and pushes Christian off towards another ladder, as Ziggler climbs and grabs the briefcase at 18 minutes. It’s the right person going over. Hopefully this finally leads to his main event push. A ton of great spots in this one, and guys like Rhodes, Christian and Kidd were great.
No Holds Barred DVD plug.
Backstage, Josh Mathews with Sheamus, who’s not worried about Ziggler winning MITB. Sheamus goes into a rant comparing high priced cars (Alberto Del Rio) to low cost ones (himself).
After a 2-month absence, The Miz is back. “This is awesome” chant. “Miss me?” Miz says he was off filming a movie (The Marine 3: Homefront). Miz says he’s won MITB before, and has been inserted into the WWE Championship MITB match. He’ll beat everyone else to win the contract, eventually becoming the WWE Champion again. “Because I’m The Miz…and I’m a movie star…and I’m awesome.” Nice promo with no fluff.
Raw moment: January 4, 1999 when Mankind won the WWE Championship–the final point in which WCW Monday Nitro beat Monday Night Raw in ratings.
World Heavyweight Championship: (C) Sheamus d. Alberto Del Rio (C+)
ADR comes out in a vintage Jaguar. Del Rio sends Sheamus crashing to the outside, then starts working his arm against the stairs and barricade as he gains the upperhand. Sheamus keeps battling to stay in it. He tries for a shoulder charge against the turnbuckle but misses, slamming his arm into the ringpost as ADR continues to dictate the pace. Sheamus eventually caught fire and hit an Irish Curse Backbreaker for a nearfall. ADR hit a backbreaker quickly after for another nearfall. Sheamus ducks a corner enziguiri, then hits White Noise. He doesn’t cover, and winds up for a Brogue Kick and nails it, scoring the pinfall to retain the World Heavyweight Championship at 14 minutes. Not a bad match, but nothing special or memorable. Very ordinary, like a SmackDown match you’d see on any given week.
Post-match, Ricardo Rodriguez jumps Sheamus as the two of them lay a beating on Sheamus.
Dolph Ziggler’s music hits, and he’s cashing in Money in the Bank! ADR is arguing with Ziggler, who clocks him with the briefcase. Ziggler turns and eats a Brogue Kick, knocking out Ziggler. What a sell. Sheamus stares him down as his music hits, but the bell never rang for the match, meaning it’s not official.
3-hour Raw promo.
Replay of Daniel Bryan’s promo on the WWE.com YouTube pre-show. He calls AJ his future wife, and says Punk poisoned her mind. He’s sweet-talking AJ, saying she’s fair and will make the right decisions and that he’ll come out as the WWE Champion.
The Prime Time Players w/ A.W. vs. Primo & Epico w/ Rosa Mendes (D+)
R-Truth and Kofi Kingston come out in suits with the tag titles. A.W. comes out to announce The Prime Time Players. Booker yells “ducky ducky quack quack.” What does that even mean? A.W. is mic’d up on the outside and is asking the crowd for applause for the team. “Boom Shakalaka!” Vintage NBA Jam! A.W. even starts fixing Young’s hair with an afro pick. Epico is getting worked on a fair bit in the ring. “Rosa Mendes can’t dance! Titus, show her how it’s done!” Titus starts dancing. It’s actually fairly entertaining with A.W. mic’d up. Primo gets the hot tag, but the crowd is totally dead. Primo tries a springboard crossbody, but Young counters into a midsection Codebreaker. Young goes to pick him up, but Primo quickly scores a rollup for the pinfall at 7 minutes.
Post-match, ”What da hayell was that? Referee, are you kidding me? We been bamboozled!” A.W. says the team is still the #1 Contender’s. A.W. calls out Kofi, and both sides go face to face at the announce table. Truth splashes his drink at A.W.’s face, as he snaps. He takes out his earpiece and goes to attack, but Young and O’Neil pull him away. Truth tries to restrain Little Jimmy.
Backstage, Matt Striker with AJ. She says she’s in full control of her mental ability. She goes bi-polar on both Bryan and Punk. She leaves for the ring, but stops momentarily. That was werid.
WWE Championship–No DQ: (C) CM Punk d. Daniel Bryan w/ AJ as Special Guest Referee (A)
Some idiot’s favourite Raw moment on Tout was when AJ proposed to Punk. Is this your first week watching wrestling? Bryan enters first and kisses AJ’s hand. Punk’s current reign is 236 days, passing Shawn Michaels’ 1996 reign. He’s now 17th of 110 longest title reigns. Punk and Bryan are going fairly even, exchanging backhand chops and kicks. Punk hits a dropkick, followed by a suicide dive to the outside. He gets his knees on top of the barricade and starts celebrating with the fans. Back in the ring, AJ takes a big spill from the apron to the outside after Bryan pushed Punk towards the ropes. AJ is holding her neck, and gets escorted up the ramp and to the back. Bryan hits a great running knee from the apron to the outside on Punk, then a front falling suplex onto the steep steps. Duelling “Daniel Bryan / CM Punk” chants. In the ring bell section, Punk hits a nice diving clothesline on Bryan as his legs are split over the barricade. “We want tables!” chant. Punk obliges and pulls one out. Bryan pulls out a Kendo Stick. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh here we go!” Gotta love Booker. They do a nice exchange of turnbuckle attack attempts before Punk goes for a springboard jump, only to get a baseball swing to the midsection with the Kendo Stick. Awesome. Bryan lands about a dozen Kendo Stick shots to the back, but Punk kicks out. “Can you say peroxide? ‘Cause he gon’ need it!” Bryan goes up top but misses a flying headbutt. Punk and Bryan quickly speed up the pace as Punk gets the upperhand. Punk calls for the GTS, but Bryan counters into a hurricanrana pin for two. Wow. Bryan applies a fantastic sunset stretch, but Punk grabs the nearby Kendo Stick and goes wild. Punk goes up top, but Bryan counters with a superplex.
AJ runs back out from ramp and throws the other ref out of the match. AJ smiles and starts skipping around the ring. On the outside, she pulls out a steel chair. Both men look at her as she drops it in the middle of the ring. Both scramble to get it, as Bryan wins it and starts unloading, but Punk kicks out. Bryan asks AJ to count to three, but Punk quickly tries a schoolboy for two. Bryan is unloading kicks to the chest as AJ watches on. Punk counters a turnbuckle charge with a flying clothesline. He grabs the steel chair and begins unloading. Punk is going to irish whip Bryan into a propped chair, but AJ is blocking it. Bryan runs and hits a dropkick to the face as both men are down again. Duelling “Daniel Bryan / CM Punk” chants. Bryan goes for the Kendo Stick, but AJ puts her foot on it and won’t let him take it. Bryan turns around and takes a big kick to the head, followed by a bodyslam onto the steel chair. He tries for a top rope elbow drop but misses and lands on the steel chair. Bryan quickly applies the YES! Lock. Bryan uses the Kendo Stick as leverage against Punk’s face as AJ is staring into his eyes. Punk bites Bryan’s hand and escapes, eventually hitting a GTS, but gets a nearfall. Punk and AJ are staring at each other after the nearfall. Punk grabs the table from the outside and sets it up. He gets Bryan on top of it, then climbs up top, but Bryan gets up and splits Punk on the top rope. Punk is getting punched, but counters and splits Bryan on the top rope. Punk grabs Bryan and lands a backdrop through the table! Punk covers and scores the pinfall to win and retain the WWE Championship at 28 minutes. Wow. AJ grabs the title, but Punk quickly takes it away from her and celebrates. AJ is sad in the ring as Punk celebrates. Overall, incredible as usual. Excellent work, and AJ was a nice addition to the match that didn’t disrupt anything.
Don’t Try This promo.
Tout promo.
Ryback d. Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks (D)
Cole lists off a bunch of borderline retarded stats about Ryback. Who the fuck cares? “Goldberg” chants. Ryback hit Shell Shocked for the pinfall at 4 minutes. Post-match, “Feed me more” chants from him and the fans.
Raw moment: August 9, 1999 for Chris Jericho’s debut. Epic moment.
Layla, Kaitlyn & Tamina Snuka d. Beth Phoenix, Natalya & Eve Torres (D)
Snore. At least Natalya is in the match. A few minutes in, all hell broke loose, leaving Beth to get smashed in the ring. After a kick to the head, Layla hit a neckbreaker for the pinfall at 4 minutes.
SummerSlam promo for August 19. Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H!
Ring crew are putting together the ring and bringing ladders to ringside.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match: WWE Championship contract: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. The Miz vs. Big Show vs. John Cena (B)
I love that delay between the pyro and Kane’s music. Also, I fucking love Jericho’s jacket. Kane set a record by being in 6 MITB matches. “Here we go baby, it just got kicked up!” Booker T makes no sense 99.6% of the time. Everybody starts on the outside as chaos ensues. Meanwhile, Miz climbs up, but Cena pulls him down. Show runs in with a Brian Urlacher-like tackle and destroys both Cena and Miz. Show throws a ladder to the outside and hits Jericho on the forearm. That looked like it hurt. Show clears house by taking out Kane, swatting Miz from off the top rope and knocking down Jericho’s running ladder attack. Jericho counters a Chokeslam grasp and hits a Codebreaker, as everyone starts getting knocked around. Cena strips the Spanish announce table and gives Show an Attitude Adjustment through the table! Wow. Kane, Jericho and Cena start burying Show under a pile of ladders, then Jericho turns and takes out everyone. Jericho applies a great Walls of Jericho on Miz on a reversed attack, then dropkicks a ladder into Kane’s face on the outside. Duelling “Let’s go Cena / Cena sucks” chants. Miz gets Irish whipped into a propped ladder in the corner by Jericho. Miz hits a nice DDT on Cena, but while at the top, Kane throws a ladder to knock him off. Miz and Jericho counter a double Chokeslam by Kane into a double suplex onto a ladder. Nice. Cena bodyslams Jericho and Miz into a single ladder, then hits a double 5-Knuckle Shuffle! Cena counters a Kane Chokeslam into an Attitude Adjustment, landing on top of Miz while he’s still on the ladder! Wow. “Y2J chant.” Jericho grabs a ladder from the outside and sets it up. On the outside, Show emerges from the pile of ladders and rips the supports of the ladders off with one swipe! Show nutcrackers Jericho between a ladder and snaps one side off the hinges, then hits Kane in the face with one and throws one at him on the outside. Miz takes a massive slap to the chest, as well as a ladder toss from Show to the outside. Show throws himself into a ladder, pressing Cena against the ropes, then throws a pair of ladders towards Miz at the announce desk. Show goes to the outside and pulls out a massive brass ladder that looks like it’s made from a tank. Holy shit. Show can hardly move the damn thing. Show sets it up. It looks like 3 ladders combined in thickness and bigger than a human being wide in terms of its steps. Show looks puny behind it. I wanna see him crush a normal ladder! Show climbs, but Kane meets him up top. They double choke, but Show punches him off. Cena runs up next, but gets headbutted off. Jericho runs in and lands a few steel chair shots. Cena and Jericho synchronize a climb. Cena sets up for an AA, but Jericho counters into a sleeper. Cena starts fading and falling, but gains second wind and climbs back up. Cena appears toe be out on top of the ladder, as Jericho fights off Miz on the other side. Cena eventually falls off, leaving Jericho all by himself, but Miz runs up and they fight to unhook the briefcase. Jericho comes off the ladder, and is hanging on by the cord. He eventually regains his footing. Show climbs up with Miz and Jericho still there. Big Show KO’s Jericho and Miz with a punch right in the fucking face, sending both men crashing to the mat. Cena climbs up next. Show tries for a KO punch, but Cena blocks it with the briefcase. He hits Show a few times in the head with it before the hook breaks off. Cena keeps hitting Show with it before realizing he’s won, then celebrates and hits him some more at 22 minutes. He had a super goofy face as soon as he won it. Overall, not a bad match at all. Some nice moments, but the better of the two MITB matches was clearly the SmackDown one.
Three Stars of the Show
* CM Punk
** Daniel Bryan
*** Dolph Ziggler
Final Grade: B
A good show coming off a few bad Raw’s. This show was very predictable, but still delivered in terms of entertainment and proper booking. I didn’t agree with the match order, since it makes more sense for someone to win MITB for that brand before the title match actually happens so as to keep the suspense of a possible early cash-in. Unfortunately, everything outside of the title matches and MITB matches fell flat on their faces. Midcard booking has been a problem for WWE for a while, and it’s a major issue heading into the 3-hour shows.