Ladies and Gentlemans, “Chattin’ With The Champ” is back! I apologize to all my peeps as it has been nearly a year since my last episode, but I can tell you, now that it’s back, it is most definitely here to stay! I have returned to announce my partnership with Marc Valeri & “Voice of Valeri” and will be publishing SmackDown reviews every week on his website! For more information and if you want to be up to date with the latest sports news, be sure to check out www.voiceofvaleri.com! So with that said, let the review of this Friday’s SmackDown begin!
SmackDown Review: September 3, 2010
Anyone notice that they inserted the Ultimate Warrior back into the WWE opening video package? Maybe he is due for a return! Anyways, the SmackDown opening video package depicts Teddy Long saying that Undertaker was found in a vegetative state by his brother Kane. I was always curious, what vegetable was he found looking like? A cucumber? I’m willing to bet I was right. Anyways, Kane then says that the man who attacked his brother was Rey Mysterio. This all led to a Rey/Kane match at SummerSlam, which Kane won. Undertaker returned after the match, however, and attacked Kane which led us to believe that Kane attacked his own brother. What a bastard! I NEVER saw that coming! Undertaker says, “I may look dead, but I am not dead yet.” In my opinion, he doesn’t look dead, he looks a little fatter. Looks like he’s been hanging out with Matt Hardy. We then see Kane tombstoning his Undertaker. All in all, a great package to show that Kane is indeed dominating this feud so far.
We begin SmackDown and it seems like there is a fiesta in the ring! Could it be…yes, it is! Ricardo Rodriguez introduces the “Most Interesting Man on SmackDown,” Alberto Del Rio! Everything about this guy is a superstar – he talks well, has a good look, has a great entrance and is extremely talented! He is sporting a white suit this week, including white pants that he probably borrowed from Jeff Jarrett. Del Rio gets in the ring and talks about how he destroyed “the wounded dog that needed to be put down,” Rey Mysterio. Thank goodness! Del Rio says he is celebrating that Rey Mysterio is removed from the WWE. Where was my invitation? He calls Mysterio a “burro” (donkey) and then points to a pinata with a Rey mask hanging above the ring. Del Rio then grabs a stick and hits the pinata! This was a true “laugh out loud” moment! Then, Alberto gets interrupted by my hero, “Captain Charisma” Christian! Christian proceeds to call Del Rio “Juan Bradshaw Layfield” and Enrique Iglesias and even starts singing! Great funny moment! Christian challenges Del Rio, but Del Rio doesn’t accept and then Christian is attacked by Drew McIntyre!
Christian was already scheduled to face McIntyre and they eventually begin their match after the commercial break. McIntyre focuses on hurting Christian’s ribs but Captain Charisma is able to counter as he does in most matches. The match only lasts 4 minutes, and the finish sees McIntyre reversing Christian’s “Killswitch,” but then Christian is able to score a win via a roll-up pins. I guess McIntyre must be in the doghouse for his altercation with his wife (and also a WWE Diva), Tiffany as this is the third time Christian has beaten him in six weeks! Good win for Christian but seriously, can he get a push? Honestly, he is too talented to be held back any longer.
Next, we have Kelly Kelly squaring off against one-half of the co-Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool. Kelly was looking good in blue, though I don’t think she’s as hot as Maryse or Nikki Bella. It was a short and kind of a useless match but McCool seems to be getting better at her in-ring ability. McCool reversed a hurricanrana into a Faith Breaker for the win.
So after a video package of all the RAW Superstars in China, we cut back to see Hornswoggle being examined by a doctor. Apparently, the doctor was trying to teach him how to speak English but…actually, I don’t wanna waste any more time by talking about this kind of stupid stuff. Someone tell The Nexus to go after Hornswoggle next…could you imagine 5 grown men completely destroying a small person? Hah!
We then cut to our next match featuring Chris Masters. He’s wearing lime green trunks. You know you’re a jobber when… EXCUSE ME! Oh my, we get interrupted by Vickie Guerrero! Is it me or has she lost a lot of weight? Not that I’m looking or anything…anyways, she easily gets “Heel of the Night” honours with the amount of boos she received. She introduces her boyfriend, aka “Mr. Perfect 2.0″, Dolph Ziggler. The match lasted all of 2 minutes and Dolph picked up the win with the Zig-Zag. Nothing too special here, just building up Dolph with a quick win over a bigger superstar. Good for him, seriously.
After a commercial break, we get introduced to the Big Show as he prepares to take on CM Punk and Luke Gallows in a handicap match. Looks like Show is wearing the World’s Largest Bandana. He might have stolen the fabric for that from Vickie’s old clothing because it’s huge. We then cut to a clip from this past week’s RAW when Big Show impersonated Hulk Hogan. Matt Striker asks who Show was impersonating. As if he didn’t know…guess Hogan is also getting the Benoit treatment from WWE. Punk starts against Show and after hitting a few kicks with no impact, he tags in Gallows. This made me laugh! Gallows gets chopped by Show. I swear he has probably taken 43 chops from Show in the last 3 weeks combined. SES then manages to garner some offense to Show while outside the ring. One thing I like about Punk is that he is a great worker and in every match, he does well to make himself look smart. Sadly, Gallows is athletic but not as smart. After Punk tags in Gallows, Show nails a reverse powerbomb on Gallows and follows with the Colossal Clutch for the win. After the match, things get interesting as Punk hits Gallows with the GTS! Where do we go from here? Maybe Punk turns face? Or Gallows gets the pink slip? Or how about we let Punk feud with someone his own size…like, I don’t know…CHRISTIAN!?
Jack Swagger then begins the next segment as host of the VIP Lounge. This doesn’t look like a VIP Lounge at all as there are no hot women. I thought Jack had ‘swagger’! (See what I did there?) I’m surprised Swagger still has some awards because I thought Big Show destroyed all of them a few months ago. Swagger mentions that his wheelchair-bound dad is his guest and lists off a bunch of funny credentials for daddy! Too bad his dad looked completely lifeless and un-reactive in the wheelchair. Then Swagger hands daddy the mic and daddy comes to life! Daddy wants his son to do pushups…too jokes! Swagger begins and even makes his dad count how many pushups he’s done…I was in tears laughing during this part as the boos made it funnier! I’m glad the segment got saved! MVP interrupts as Swagger gets past 43 pushups. They’re about to brawl but then Swagger uses his dad as a shield! Awesome stuff! MVP gets the upper hand and gives the Ballin’ Elbow to Daddy Swagger. Not a bad segment, though it seemed a little too long.
Next up, Matt Hardy comes out to a huge pop. His ovations are similar to Benoit a few years ago because everywhere Hardy goes, he gets cheered like crazy. His opponent is the man who is starting to grow on me, Dashing Cody Rhodes. Rhodes has a mic and totally cuts up Hardy about his weight, his look and how he is just plain done. It’s almost like Vince handed Rhodes the script himself. Rhodes then makes Hardy look into the mirror on the back of his jacket…awesome, hilarious stuff! Poor Matt, he is talented but I got to agree with Rhodes, he needs to work on his look a little bit. Hardy dominates for the most part and works on Rhodes’ leg. Hardy even locks in a single leg crab, I was surprised to see that from him. Hardy then misses a top rope move and lands on his injured leg. Rhodes works it over quickly and nails the win with the Crossrhodes. Looks like they are building up Rhodes for an IC run, or dare I say, even a World Title run. He can talk on the mic and is getting better every week. The only thing holding him back could be his size because let’s face it, Vince doesn’t like smaller guys, fella!
Last but not least, we get Kane’s Big Announcement. Kane starts his backstage message (via titantron) by stating that he will face his brother, The Undertaker at the “Night of Champions” PPV. Kane talks about how he has become the bigger and better brother and how Undertaker is weak compared to him now. He calls himself “The Devil’s Favourite Demon” and says that he has now taken The Undertaker’s powers from him. Undertaker had powers? I thought that Undertaker was just “a man” according to Chris Jericho! Anyways…after Kane starts laughing on the titantron, we see druids walk to the ring with a closed casket…could it be the Undertaker inside? The casket opens…and it’s Kane! What? I thought he was backstage! Glad to see he’s putting his new-found powers to positive use. Think he can end the BP Oil Spill? Great video editing though on the casket scene. Kane laughs even more and gets booed like crazy. Kane talks some more but he talks with such vigor and anger that he really makes you believe the storyline. I’m glad WWE is putting his verbal skills to use because he is a smart talker and plays his character well. Undertaker then finally interrupts Kane and confronts him in the ring. Then the lights go out…and Kane disappears! The casket at ringside is closed and Taker seems to think that Kane is in there and even shows a little bit of fear approaching it. Undertaker opens the casket but Kane isn’t there…he’s backstage again! Kane used the powers again! Kane then laughs at the Undertaker via titantron as his fireworks go off. I find the longer Kane laughs, the funnier it gets to me and then it no longer seems evil…it’s just funny! Anyways, The Undertaker looks worried and a little afraid and that’s good for the feud because it makes me believe that Kane is the stronger brother right now. Good ending to SmackDown and overall, a pretty decent show.
Marc Valeri – email@example.com
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