RAW
Raw comes to you live from Moline, Illinois.
The new World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger kicks off the show with a video package of win over Chris Jericho, followed by a promo. Swagger said he could have cashed in on Cena, but he thought he’d do it on the best in world Chris Jericho instead. He said he’s going to move to SmackDown since nobody on Raw compares to his ability, even though he’s been jobing for like 6 months. I found this stupid – the WWE Draft Lottery is in 3 weeks, why not just keep him there and draft him to SmackDown? Technically, Batista should only be on SmackDown, but he’s always on Raw. Not a big deal for me, but sometimes the logical gaps have you thinking twice. Cena came out, said there is one guy, wearing orange (him), that calls Swagger a liar because he can beat him. Swagger said no, so RKO came out. Orton said Swagger would rather face the man who beat him in a tag match last week, which was Orton. Then Big Show & Miz came out next to try and take the spotlight. The Raw guest host, NXT wrestler David Otunga, came out next. He’s actually pretty good on the mic. He announced Orton vs. Swagger and ShowMiz vs. Cena and Batista tonight. Orton went to RKO Cena, but he pushed him and Orton turned hit Swagger with the RKO instead to end the segment. Swagger came off looking like a chump.
Sheamus d. Kofi Kingston (*)
Kofi got offense for about half of the match before Sheamus took him out with two bicycle kicks and the Razor’s Edge thing in about 3 minutes. And Kofi’s tumble to midcard continues. Post match, he hit Kingston in the back of the head with a pipe to KO him.
Post commercial, Sheamus calls HHH “pathetic” for crying during his farewell speech to HBK last week. He said Michaels left before Sheamus could take him out and HHH is too stubborn to leave. Five minutes after being shown on screen, HHH came out. He hopped onto the apron, then backed off, grabbing a sledgehammer from under the ring. Hunter was able to hit him with it and Sheamus went to the floor where HHH went for the railroad spike, but Sheamus moved and he got the monitor instead. There was a gaping hole about 6 inches away from the monitor, for the record. I assume this leads to a Sledgehammer vs. Pipe match at Extreme Rules. HHH won at Mania, so my money’s on Sheamus to win the rematch.
Dress to Impress Divas #1 Contender Battle Royale (1/2*)
The match involves Kelly, the Bellas, Alicia, Jillian, Eve, Gail, Katie Lea and Rosa with the winner getting a title shot against Maryse, who was at ringside, for the Divas Championship next week. Maryse was chirping the entire time. They were all wearing dresses while walking down a red carpet to put over Otunga’s A-Lister gimmick. Eve knocked out Jillian to win it. The ‘match’ sucked.
They showed pack of Otunga’s background. Same video that’s been on NXT.
Backstage
Otunga talked to his indy buddies about how he had exactly 427 green M&Ms for some reason. Santino shows up, thinking he’s the A-Team instead of the A-Lister. Hornswoggle shows up to eat the M&Ms, then they start chasing him or something. It sucked, other than Santino’s Mr. T impression.
Unified Tag Titles: ShowMiz d. Cena/Batista via countout (3/4*)
They went nearly three minutes when Cena went stumbling into his corner ready to tag in Batista. He jumped off the apron and walked off. Cena chased him, fighting him up the aisle. Miz tried to attack Cena before Cena bailed, but he was thrown off with one arm. If that’s the case, why didn’t he just keep the match going if he was going to be able to throw Miz around like a ragdoll? They make him look so weak for no reason. If Miz can be tossed like dirty laundry, then any random two superstars put together should have no problem winning the belts – after all, if Cena is throwing Miz around with one arm, imagine what two Cena’s could do. Whatever. While all this is happening, the ref counts out Cena and ShowMiz win. Post match, Otunga said the match will happen later with ShowMiz defending again, this time against Cena and his partner, himself. Two Cena matches in one night? What did I do to deserve this!?
Ted DiBiase came out with the Million Dollar belt. I’m sure it’s not the original. He says that this is his dad’s way of repaying him for being a poor father-figure growing up, and thanked him for the trust fund and the title as compensation. Not sold on the ‘rich kid’ gimmick yet. Senior was a way better heel.
Ted Dibiase d. Christian (**)
Christian went for the Killswitch, Ted got out of it and eventually shoved him into the ring post. He ended up getting the win the Dream Street finisher in about 5 minutes. I kind of hope Christian gets moved to SmackDown at the Draft so he can fued with Edge & Jericho. That’d be awesome. Either that, or give him a god damn push.
They mentioned the Draft show on April 26 in Richmond, Virginia. Reminder, it’s the night after Extreme Rules, plus, as all Draft Lottery’s are, it’ll be a three-hour show.
HBK video that was also shown on NXT and Smackdown last week. I’ve been pretty busy with stuff, so HBK kind of slipped my mind for the week. The video reminded me that he’s no longer wrestling, unfortunately.
Randy Orton d. Jack Swagger (**1/2)
Big crowd pop for Orton. He was more believable as a face, but he still has heel mannerisms. Orton hit the RKO for the win in about 10 minutes. Swagger looked alright, but a win would have been better. By the way, no more pushups, pyro, laughing, chest-pounding, smiling, airplane spinning stuff for Swagger. He’s super, super cereal. But he’s going to have to stop getting RKO’d twice on the same night to be a top heel.
Hart Family DVD out today, for those interested.
Next week’s guest host from Raw in England is David Hasselhoff. Ugh. We’ll see.
ShowMiz d. John Cena & David Otunga (*1/4)
The champs worked over Cena – no way was Otunga getting the spotlight as a rookie on the main event of Raw. Cena goes for the hot tag, but Otunga dropped off the apron. Big Show got the tag, Cena turned around and he got KO’d for the loss in about 6 minutes.
Batista came out and gave Cena the Batista Bomb. Batista said he was using his rematch clause at Extreme Rules and that the match would be a Last Man Standing match. I think a gimmick match in this feud was the right call. Good ending to the show.
With Batista expected to take time off post-Extreme Rules, it looks like Cena’s going to win this one, too. He’s doing a WWE Films project and he supposedly doesn’t want to wrestle while he’s doing that. Good idea, but his heel character is on fire, so the timing is bad news for WWE.
Three Stars of the Show
* – Randy Orton – On a roll. Really did a great job.
** – Christian – Someone push this guy. Now.
*** – Ted DiBiase – Let’s hope his new gimmick works.
Final Score: 5
Meh. There was more wrestling in this show than in past weeks, which is great. HHH/Sheamus is starting to come around, so it should be fun to watch. Cena/Batista kicked it up a notch, but with Batista filming a movie, it’s blatantly obvious who’s going to win. Question is, will he just take time off or will there be an injury angle?
As for NXT’s David Otunga, he’s good on the mic and already has some heel charisma. Whether or not his in-ring work is there, I don’t know, but he’s probably going to get a push. I still expect Daniel Bryan to win NXT, but Otunga will be a star coming out of it.
For Extreme Rules, I’m going Cena over Batista and Sheamus over HHH. I haven’t got a clue what Randy Orton will be doing yet. Jericho/Edge for the #1 contender is booked for SmackDown, but I don’t see someone taking a backseat this early in the feud, so a three-way at the PPV wouldn’t be far-fetched.
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