Raw is live from Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Mike Tyson out. He’s terrible live. Video package of him punching out HBK at WM14. One of the most awesome moments/storylines in WWE’s history. WWE pushing him as the ‘Baddest Man on the Planet’ is stupid – Tyson hasn’t been relevant for more than a decade and hasn’t won a big fight in nearly 20 years. Plus, he’s fat and out of shape now. Sheamus is smack talking Tyson, with Orton, Cena and Kingston all coming out to argue why they should have the Number 1 Contender’s spot for the WWE Championship at the Rumble. I loved the Cena boos and Orton cheers. Triple threat made for tonight, but not great booking – Kofi has about as much chance winning this match as I do.
Alicia Fox d. Kelly Kelly (1/4*)
Kelly did some offense, but Alicia countered on a very obviously choreographed spot to finish her off with a stiff powerbomb. These two cannot wrestle well.
Legacy comes out to talk about the Rumble, hinting at splitting. Same promo that every single team has cut for over 20 years about the Rumble. The Marine 2 gets a plug, but nothing about how poorly its done so far.
Legacy d. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne (*)
Typical – Bourne’s the face in peril, hot tag to the Kool-Aid man. Rhodes wins with the Cross Rhodes, and Bourne sells it like a champ.
HHH talked with Shawn saying he wants to talk to Tyson. Useless.
ECW plug, which is apparently no longer shown in Canada. It can be watched online, but I’d much rather watch it on my 68″ HD TV. Plus, ECW has Christian. For the time being.
Tyson w/ Michaels. Tyson said he didn’t regret what happened. Jericho came in even though he got kicked off Raw for the second time. Tyson & Jericho vs. DX tonight with the idea that if Jericho wins, then he gets to stay on Raw forever this time. Again.
Jack Swagger segment w/ Santino in an over the top challenge. Santino’s awesomeness was shown in making a joke about how was going to drop Swagger like a bicycle without a kickstand. This guy’s a legend. His handlebars are hysterical. Swagger gets eliminated. Doghouse? Waste of time still.
By showing Austin/Tyson from 1998, all they’re doing is showing fans what used to be great WWE programming, and showing the sharp decline in quality to what we’re watching now.
Randy Orton d. Kofi Kingston & John Cena to become the #1 Contender to the WWE Title (**)
This match was pretty awkward. Something wasn’t right. That reverse angle of Sheamus at the top of the ramp shows you his back acne crystal clear in HD. They did the typical triple threat spots with each guy getting falls until the third man kicks out. The problem was guys were out of place. I think it might have been Kofi, I don’t know. Anyway, he hit Trouble in Paradise on Cena, who went to the floor. Cody came in to kick the steps into Cena. Cody distracts the ref while Ted would come in to interfere with Kofi. Orton hit the RKO for the win. Orton yelled at Kofi saying “STUPID!” while doing it. Did Kofi miss a spot, or was that RKO in character? Orton moves on against Sheamus.
The Miz talking about how when he first got to WWE he wasn’t allowed to change in the locker room because he violated some rule about eating chicken and getting a ref’s bag dirty. He had to dress on his own for six months, find his own washroom, etc. True? I think so. He walked out to the ring saying that MVP, the number one contender to the US Title, wasn’t in his league because he’s perfect while MVP was a criminal. Cue MVP, who talks about how he made those mistakes, but he’s learned from them and earned the respect of the fans. The two brawl with a good crowd reaction, with MVP kicking Miz out of the ring. Great segment. Two midcarders on Raw getting ten minutes to further a feud using only their voices is rare, and these two did a great job. This, and the Morrison/McIntyre match are looking good. Hopefully when they have the match it lasts longer than this promo.
Eve Eve d. Katie Lea Burchill (DUD)
Brutal. Eve vs. Maryse next round.
Smackdown this week: Batista vs. Mysterio again, now for the third time in six weeks. This time in a steel cage to determine the #1 contender. I thought it would be a triple threat at the Rumble, but apparently not.
Vince McMahon came out to the ring. Vince reacts to the “We Want Bret” chants but not the “Boring” ones. He said Bret won’t be in a WWE ring again. Yes he will. He’ll be there next week. At least it was under five minutes.
DX d. Chris Jericho & Mike Tyson (1/2*)
Before the match started, HBK said he wanted Taker to answer him about WrestleMania 26 next week. Unlikely. Michaels bumped around for Tyson shoving him. Horny came out, Jericho turned around and ate a right hand from Tyson who knocked him out to give DX the most obvious and unnecessary win in wrestling history. Why is WWE putting over Mike Tyson, a retired boxer, moreso than HBK, one of the industry’s greatest? This is doing nothing to help WWE. King & Cole are praising Tyson like it’s the mid-1990′s when he hasn’t done anything in 20 years. Good sell by Jericho, though. Speaking of Y2J, where’s Big Show?
Brutal ending. The only good thing that came of this night was that Steve Austin’s guest hosting on March 15 in San Diego. Not really looking forward to Miami Vice and Napoleon Dynamite next week.
Three Stars of the Show
* – Randy Orton – “STUPID!”
** – The Miz
*** – MVP
What did this show accomplish aside from Randy Orton being named number one contender? Nothing. Yes, MVP and Miz cut a good face to face promo that will hook fans, but will they even get a PPV match? Probably not. The main event was based on a story from 12 years ago that they replayed half a dozen times even though everybody knew what was going to happen. King & Cole moronically asked if it was planned all along. Obviously, idiots. WWE needs to stop booking shows to put the guest hosts over, they’ll never be associated with Raw ever again, and there’s no point in doing it. Raw would good if they actually booked some of the younger babyfaces to look good, rather than jobbing. All MVP, Kingston and Bourne do is lose matches, and the crowds are dead for them as a result. I forgot to mention last week how the PPV numbers are down for WWE. A big four show like Survivor Series doesn’t even get 250,000 buys, so that’s a huge issue for them to worry about.
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